Sometimes, I’m worried that being “Dragon’s Mom” has taken over my identity of being “J.”
“J” was fabulous and fun and sexy and a lil crazy…ok, a lot crazy, and all that I’ve known for 30 years, but “J” was nowhere near fit enough to be “Dragon’s Mom.” Now with Dragon in my life, I want to be the best mom I can be, morphing into this person who is responsible, reliable, well-behaved, mature, and, you know, normal. But sometimes, I wonder if “J” is just lurking around the corner, waiting to pounce when she has a chance, waiting to ruin “Dragon’s Mom’s” life, and Dragon’s life along with it.
I’m a modern day Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and I’m terrified.
I’m terrified that I lost my own identity, and at the same time terrified that my own identity is not good enough for this new role.
I love this child, and I love my husband, and I love the life that we’ve built together, and I can’t imagine existing in world where the three of us aren’t a tight-knit family. But sometimes I wonder where “J” has gone, if “J” will ever emerge, and if “J” is who I actually really am.
“Always be yourself.” But who is myself?